The Grand Tour Drinking Game

As you may or may not know, the Grand Tour is the multi-year long, alpha/chronological play through or my music collection- estimated to be about 3500 titles, mostly physical CD with a growing number of digital albums as well.

Who needs retirement money?

Anywhoo… the Grand Tour is also a much neglected blog, and a running thread on my Twitter feed. And like any great entertainment endeavor, it’s needs one thing.

A drinking game. 

This game is not limited to my GrandTour. It can and should be used for your own tour of your music collection. And to make clear: if you for medical, legal, or personal reasons do not drink alcohol, beverages of your choice may be substituted. Also know when to say when. Drink and play music responsibly.

Just BUY music irresponsibly. There are starving artists and A&R people out there. SAVE THEM!!!

This game can be played while listening to your collection or blog. THE FULL LEADED BOOZEY VERSION CAN NOT BE PLAYED WHILE DRIVING OR PILOTING. If you are playing while on public transit, you may have a problem. If you are playing while your chauffer is driving you… dude, pay him or her better.

If you are playing the game while your parents are drving you… you may have a problem.

I’m not judging. I just care.

Eponymous-  Drink.

If an album is named after the band or artist, that’s certainly cause to drink. Use ‘eponymous’ in your own writing.. it makes you feel like a real big deal music critic.

Plus, if you are playing R.E.M.’s ‘Eponymous,’ drink twice to Michael Stipe, the clever bastard.

Live  Album- Drink. If actually better than the studio albums,  drink twice. If worse, chug.

Live Albums exist to fulfill a) contractual obligations, b) the artistic ego or c) the desire of fans to experience live performance without paying the full god damn price. TICKETS ARE EXPENSIVE!
They also vary wildly in quality. Some catch a band playing with all the energy and fervor the Producer tried to kill. Some catch a band showing why they should stick to studio work.
Special Edition/Remaster- Drink. Another way artists and companies cash in on old material and b-sides. I mean re-introduce their material to new listeners with new technologies
Special Edition/Remaster- Drink. Another way artists and companies cash in on old material and b-sides. I mean re-introduce their material to new listeners with new technologies

Multiple Discs- 1 drink per additional album or cd. If it’s a download that doesn’t have ‘discs’ or ‘parts’ then drink for every full hour after the first hour. It doesn’t matter if the additional disc is more of the album,b-sides, other content.

 Cover Songs- 1 drink. Now,if you are listening to a covers album, or a “Standards” or “Tribute” album, just chug. We are enabling you. Not trying to kill you.

Artist Re-Recording Their Own Material – Drink. This is increasingly common as artists can’t get their original recordings back, but still want to make money off music the FUCKING MAN OWNS!

The fucking man ,man.

Soundtracks/OST/ Original Score-  Drink. If this is a score or OST from a movie, play or tv show, drink.

If it has one or more volumes, drink per each full volume.

Some movies need multiple soundtrack discs to cover the full score and selected songs. Sometimes a movie ‘inspires’ new songs. Even songs that have been out decades before the movie. Most often, this is about cash on the brand name. For example, did “Hackers” or “Dazed and Confused” need 2 cd’s? Did Mortal Kombat need 3-5? No.

Did I buy them and not regret it? Yes.

If it’s an Alan Silvestri Soundtrack- CHUG. Alan Silvestri frigging rules OST’s and Scores for Films.  Check out the job he did on the Sylster Stallone  ‘ Judge Dredd’ sound track if you don’t believe me.

Side Projects/ Spin Offs- Drink.

Pop Music is full of side projects and spin offs… Green Day has had at least 1500, as of last count. Side Projects are when the band stays together- for example, Mick Jagger having a solo album while the Stones tours are all the only thing they have going for them. Spin offs are when the bands breaks up into smaller bits- like Blink-182 becoming +44 (really good) and Angels And Airwaves (kill me, now.)

If the Side Project/Spin off is better, drink once. If it is worse, drink twice. And if it is Angel and Airwaves, for GODSAKE STOP LISTENING AND PUT ON BLINK! And chug,

To forget.

Second Generation Artist/Band- Drink.

If this is either a band made up of children of a previous act or star- (Neneh and Eagle Eye Cherry, for example) or a band whose children are now playing in it (Led Zeppelin) Drink. Or think Ziggie Marley or

Julian Lennon or Sean Lennon.  

Prefab/ Reality Show- Drink. If this is a band or artist who were either put together by management, or are the products of a reality  show.

Drink twice if they are actually good. If you are listening to the Monkees, and feel shame… chug. You really need to relax. THE MONKEES ROCKED!

Foreign Language- If you are listening to a group and have no idea what they are saying, drink.If you’ve researched lyrics that don’t come with the album, drink twice. If you have researched Sigur Ros lyrics, slowly sip in a blissful state.

If you have researched Rammstein lyircs, CHUG YOU DIRTY ANHAGER! CHUG! CHUG!!!!!!

This isn't a complete set of rules, but a good starting point. Now go forth, listen and sip deeply.